My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
