He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
