He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize