I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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