My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
