I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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