The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
