I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
