Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
