well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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