if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
