We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Someone came in the potted fern
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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