I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
