when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
