You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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