He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
