I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
