have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
