I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
