omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
