And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
