last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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