Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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