Swine flu. Run for my life!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
