Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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