do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
