i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
