I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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