My girlfriend figured out who you are.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
