dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
