I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
