I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
