And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
