I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
