it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize