Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
