Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
