Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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