I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
