Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
