Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize