That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
