I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
