I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize