Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
