I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
