if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
