Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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