You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
