that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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