Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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