I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
