It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
