I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
