dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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