Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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