He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
