I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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