The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
