I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
