before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
