Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize