WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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