you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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