I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
