I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
