I have demons in me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
