My friends, they love my intelligence
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
