do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
