so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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