i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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