You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Randomize
