i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
