We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if only i could text you this smell
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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