Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
